Inspiration is all around me, yet I find it hard to write these generic brag-about-my-life blog posts. The truth is, no matter where you are in the world, no matter how far you run from the reality of your current life, there is no way out of this reality! There may be moments when you feel in sheer ecstasy and as if you have somehow outsmarted a God you don’t believe in, but it doesn’t last forever. No matter where you are, sadness, depression, drama and the typical never-ceasing problems of life will be lurking waiting to make their next cunning move. The only thing is that they come as quite a surprise when you’re current life is one long, mesmerizing lucid dream.
I say all of that to say this year in Spain is proving to be the best year of my life and I find it hard to believe that there could be yearlong spans that surpass this. Yet, amidst all the grandeur and pleasantries that Laredo brings, there have still been some quite surprisingly large problems arise in my life. That is quite all right though, because it is shaping me into the person I would like to be for the rest of my life—the kind of knowledge bestowed upon me is one that one could never gain merely twiddling their thumbs in the back of an Organic Grass Growing Methods as Applied to African Astrophysics class.
The past two months since my last post have each been completely different. January and ½ of February I spent in long hours of contemplation—a top the rocky cliffs of Laredo, among the sandy dunes of la Playa Salvé—reading, writing, inner-discovery, “tiempo con Erika y Dios” (Time with Erika and God as I tell my roommate, David, who does not understand this side of me at all). A lot of things happened after winter break in Nebraska, things I never expected, and it took a lot of time to clarify all of the events in my head and heart and take appropriate action. Now that the big G and I have come to agree on those aspects, I have felt rather free lately. Not as much time in my strange contemplative modes, rather more time in my social butterfly Erika mode. I am completely 100% confident in my Spanish at this point and it gives me no anxiety whatever to make my crazy Erika remarks, be sarcastic or just to be my normal self in this language. That is something that I am extremely proud of and something I never thought could truly happen.
My friends here are absolutely fantastic. I have begun to feel very close to my roommate as of late, and I am really grateful for his friendship—as I am extremely grateful for the friendship of Johanne and Sandrine, the other two girls with whom I am very close. I am realizing that just as I begin to get comfortable with my life here, just as I become confident with this, God is only giving me a few more months to enjoy it and then it will be stripped away from me—from all of us. I fear going back to Nebraska and starting over once again (new car, new place to live, my best friend is going to Scotland next year, everything will be completely different). I have no desire to finish with the accursed university system; I just want to go on with my life. I love the way I learn right now. I feel that just because I am not at a university right now does not mean that I am not gaining an incredible amount of knowledge—and it’s the kind of knowledge that actually interests me.
A typical day for me consists of teaching my students, I have learned how to be a teacher, how to teach my own language in a foreign language nonetheless. I have learned how to gain the respects of students who are almost my own age and be fun while still being an authoritative figure. Every day here is a new adventure where I learn so many things. In the classroom, I teach my students, and whether they know it or not, they are teaching me. Teaching me Spanish, teaching me culture, teaching me to be a teacher, teaching me confidence, teaching me patience, teaching me a never-ending list of admirable qualities that I could not have gained elsewhere. After my classes, I typically have an evening meeting where I spend 2 hours either with a family or another professor at the high schools where I work. We typically spend 1 hour practicing their English and another hour working on either my French or Spanish. These people started out as strange strangers and me the stranger in the strange land, but they have quickly become my friends no matter how much older than me they are. They teach me the culture they teach me things that I could learn from no one else. I am fascinated by their experiences, by the wisdom of these 50-year-old-ish Spaniards/”Frenchies” and sometimes fascinated by the lack of wisdom someone who has lived so long and experienced so much could have.
What’s quite silly to me is that the most important things to me about this time in Spain and experience are not things to be written in a blog. Things that I could never publish right here right now, however, things that I hope someday I will contain secretly in the novel of the eccentric life I have lead without ever meaning to. It seems however hard I try to veer from drama and adventure, passion and hurt, it finds me—just as it finds every one. Without those experiences, we are nothing. I think a lot of hurt can do a lot of good, and in that, and in God, I find hope for every hurtful situation. Without God I have no hope that there will be good that comes from the bad, but even now as I experience many hurtful and confusion situations, there is still so much good around me. I find hope in the fact that God has brought my growth and joy from all pain in my life. I am living a dream right now, and I would not change a thing.
Recently, I have spent a lot of time soaking up the beauty of my friends here because we all realize the year is quickly coming to an end. I've been going out with them on the weekends in Laredo, saving up my money for spring break, and traveling to nearby little fishing villages like San Vicente de la Barquera or Llanes. I spent time in Pamplona with my good Spanish friend, Violeta, as well.
My other best friend, Paul, is coming to visit me in 13 days! I am so excited to show someone who means so much to me my life here and my friends here…and it’s nice that he speaks Spanish certainly better than I do, so he will have no problem really getting to know my friends and colleagues here. We will travel to Bilbao, Santander, San Sebastian, Barcelona, Madrid and Toledo. Then Paul returns to Mexico where he is currently studying and I will head off to Prague to spend some time with my friends there.
So, as I sit here munching on my favorite creamy spinach-filled pastry from the bakery down the street with my feet dangling over my balcony overlooking the ocean and the mountains, I can safely say, life is good here in Spain, and ya’ll missed out on a lot by me not posting more blogs. But, hey, if you’re as close to me as certain people, you could just read my in-depth diary when I am not looking detailing every juicy detail of my heart and soul—perhaps for you. Nothing I love more than a snoopy friend.
16 March, 2010
14 January, 2010
Here and back again
I completely understand why people who go abroad may have troubles writing in their respective blogs with frequency. I was used to my routine, and although there were so many exciting things that I could have written about on a practically daily basis, at the time the things that I repeated so much seemed too redundant and mundane to mention. However, that’s quite far from the truth! As soon as my monthly update was due in November, I made a last minute decision to return to Nebraska. I decided it was going to be a surprise, at least for most of my family, my mom and my two best friends.
The time in Nebraska was in many ways, exactly what I expected and needed. Chowing down on all the nasty greasy foods I had missed in 4 months—my favorite being the classic Amigo’s cheesy burrito accompanied by a big, fat, icy Dr. Pepper. Also, what the heck, they’ve got “Grown-Up” cheesies now? Out of sheer curiosity and with extreme skepticism, I ventured and tried the southwest chicken cheesy. One might compare Amigo’s decision to do this with Nickelodeon’s decision to make Rugrats: All Growed Up. Epic fail, plus they both misguide children. Rugrats, obviously, teaches kids that you can always play with your Reptar dinosaur toy (Milan, New York, London Reptar’s on the rage…anyone?) and that when you are GROWN up it’s still ok to pretend like you’re a toothless moron and call yourself a “growed” up. I’m sure many companies would love reading and application that says, “I want this job cause mom says I have to be a growed up.” How could you resist that adorableness? The grown-up cheesy, however, goes even farther, by changing the complete morale of children, teaching them to always have to be satisfied with more. Something bigger, something better, something with charbroiled chicken and imported Texan spices. Did I mention Texas is its own country now? I guess soon Obama will call for an embargo and then adopted Cuba as the missing state. Wow, I could write such a sassy opinion article on cheesy burritos, Rugrats or the ever-so-popular Cuba/Texas conflict.
Besides all that, other comforts awaited me. All my old haunts were still there, the cozy little nook on N. Lakeshore Dr. that still felt like home, my mom and my brother who treated me like an angel while I was in town, and the quality time with Rachael and Paul was refreshing for me. Although my friends in Spain and my time here is absolutely magical and I am so glad it isn’t over, it was funny that something so simple as a completely comfortable and natural relationship could bring so much happiness. Even just speaking English and having someone understand EVERY WORD I SAY, and being able to be myself completely without having to explain everything again was so nice. Being here has made me realize who and what things are truly important to me. I got to see a lot of my other friends, too, who are just as amazing, and I was also able to spend a few evenings with my dear cousins.
It was still, however, a bit strange to be at home. It took me 2 weeks to fully recover from my jetlag—usually falling asleep at 9 pm and bolting awake at 7 am. Or maybe that is normal, but Erika really wanted to stay up late and sleep in, you know, like, be a normal 20-year-old and not a 60-year-old. While at home for an entire month, there was a battle going on within my heart for two different worlds, two different ways of living. All I do know at this moment is that people really make a place what it is, and there are people in Nebraska that I would hate to have to be apart from for the rest of my life. I feel that way about my friends in Spain, as well, but you befriend them on the preconceived notion that you must one day give up the intimate relationship you have formed. And to me, it does make it a little bit easier, because I am prepared for the idea of one day having to say goodbye. But saying goodbye to your mother or your best friends is something that feels so unnatural, so unreal and so much like you are leaving a part of you behind—it is extremely hard. No matter how many times you do it, it’s always going to be hard, and I’ve just had to learn to deal with that as I also learn to tame my wanderlusted heart.
The trek back to Spain came at a good time. The voyage back was not the most physically tiring trip I have ever made, but it was definitely the most emotional I have ever been on a voyage. My heart is in a state of confusion right now. A lot of things happened in Nebraska, a lot of unexpected things were said and done, and I found out something right before boarding my first plane that made my heart ache more than it ever had before. The details are too personal for such a general blog, but by the time I got to Spain after 36 hours of not really sleeping at all and having my heart, mind and soul ache for so many different reasons, when I entered my empty, cold, apartment, I just started bawling. Not because I was sad to be back, but because I was confused and lonely.
Thankfully, my friend Johanne came over my first night in town and took care of me and gave me beautiful Christmas gifts, made me dinner, and listened to me (in English, thank God) talk about my life. It was so nice to see her smiling Frenchy face after a whole month! She is ma petite fleur! :) The first night back in my piso was almost eerie feeling, especially because the heating wasn’t working and my roommate wasn’t back from France yet, but it is rather surprising just how quickly I have fallen back into my routine: wake up, go to class, talk with colleagues, go home, lunch, plan activities, do whatever I want to do, God time, reading time, fun time, walk on the beach time, roommate time, whatever, shopping, make dinner, facebook, sleep. It’s def. the life! I can’t believe that Nebraska stressed me out so much in the short amount of time that I was there, and now that I am back here the stress has been lifted once again. Oh, the sweet freedom of Laredo, how I hope I learn from you and never become that high-strung stressed girl from years past!
The classes are fine. I have been doing a lame activity I prepared on the airplane that I can apply to practically all of my classes…I show them a slideshow of 15 photos I took over Christmas & New Years in Nebraska, they have to ask me questions, then I ask them questions about Christmas, New Years and Kings Day in Spain. Christmas is spent with their families and in the Cantabrian region at least they have lots of little “entremeses” or hors d’oeuvres that usually involve seafood (shrimp, crawfish…), followed by soup and then the main event of lamb or some other meat. New Year’s is also a family-centered holiday with more food, and at each 12 strikes of the clock at midnight they are to eat a grape to promote health for the upcoming year. They do not open their gifts on Christmas; they do this on Kings Day on the 6th of January. Some kids will dress as the kings and go and sing Christmas Carols for money, others participate in the city parade. I do believe it is translated as “Kings Day” in English, but my colleagues are often wrong when they tell me certain things in English, nonetheless, the day is in celebration of the three wise men that visited the little babe in his swaddling cloth! And that’s your kind of boring cultural lesson for the day.
I then made them write their own New Year's resolutions (buenos propósitos de Año Nuevo), here are the ones that made me laugh most:
*I pass the asignatures (Spanish for "all subjects")
*Have money, a lot of money.
*Behave better with Cristina and not act like a silly.
*I want don't speak in class.
*I win a lot of money—6,000 Euros o más.
*I pass the French, OK?
So, I am all readjusted to life here again. I’m sitting on the couch, super tired and jet-lagged, too lazy to do ANYTHING and hating the pouring rain and crazy hurricane wind that has blown down 2 metal mini billboards and some smaller trees today. I already know this next year is going to be full of a lot of really good things, but it is going to take a lot of spiritual warfare on my part, because I am being attacked. I’ve already started losing hope on some things that I know have been promised to me. Hopefully, once the rain lifts, so will this heavy weight on my heart. In fact, I just got a text from my roommate saying he will be back in less than 3 hours, so to buy him some beers so we don't lose our good old customs. Hahaha.
The time in Nebraska was in many ways, exactly what I expected and needed. Chowing down on all the nasty greasy foods I had missed in 4 months—my favorite being the classic Amigo’s cheesy burrito accompanied by a big, fat, icy Dr. Pepper. Also, what the heck, they’ve got “Grown-Up” cheesies now? Out of sheer curiosity and with extreme skepticism, I ventured and tried the southwest chicken cheesy. One might compare Amigo’s decision to do this with Nickelodeon’s decision to make Rugrats: All Growed Up. Epic fail, plus they both misguide children. Rugrats, obviously, teaches kids that you can always play with your Reptar dinosaur toy (Milan, New York, London Reptar’s on the rage…anyone?) and that when you are GROWN up it’s still ok to pretend like you’re a toothless moron and call yourself a “growed” up. I’m sure many companies would love reading and application that says, “I want this job cause mom says I have to be a growed up.” How could you resist that adorableness? The grown-up cheesy, however, goes even farther, by changing the complete morale of children, teaching them to always have to be satisfied with more. Something bigger, something better, something with charbroiled chicken and imported Texan spices. Did I mention Texas is its own country now? I guess soon Obama will call for an embargo and then adopted Cuba as the missing state. Wow, I could write such a sassy opinion article on cheesy burritos, Rugrats or the ever-so-popular Cuba/Texas conflict.
Besides all that, other comforts awaited me. All my old haunts were still there, the cozy little nook on N. Lakeshore Dr. that still felt like home, my mom and my brother who treated me like an angel while I was in town, and the quality time with Rachael and Paul was refreshing for me. Although my friends in Spain and my time here is absolutely magical and I am so glad it isn’t over, it was funny that something so simple as a completely comfortable and natural relationship could bring so much happiness. Even just speaking English and having someone understand EVERY WORD I SAY, and being able to be myself completely without having to explain everything again was so nice. Being here has made me realize who and what things are truly important to me. I got to see a lot of my other friends, too, who are just as amazing, and I was also able to spend a few evenings with my dear cousins.
It was still, however, a bit strange to be at home. It took me 2 weeks to fully recover from my jetlag—usually falling asleep at 9 pm and bolting awake at 7 am. Or maybe that is normal, but Erika really wanted to stay up late and sleep in, you know, like, be a normal 20-year-old and not a 60-year-old. While at home for an entire month, there was a battle going on within my heart for two different worlds, two different ways of living. All I do know at this moment is that people really make a place what it is, and there are people in Nebraska that I would hate to have to be apart from for the rest of my life. I feel that way about my friends in Spain, as well, but you befriend them on the preconceived notion that you must one day give up the intimate relationship you have formed. And to me, it does make it a little bit easier, because I am prepared for the idea of one day having to say goodbye. But saying goodbye to your mother or your best friends is something that feels so unnatural, so unreal and so much like you are leaving a part of you behind—it is extremely hard. No matter how many times you do it, it’s always going to be hard, and I’ve just had to learn to deal with that as I also learn to tame my wanderlusted heart.
The trek back to Spain came at a good time. The voyage back was not the most physically tiring trip I have ever made, but it was definitely the most emotional I have ever been on a voyage. My heart is in a state of confusion right now. A lot of things happened in Nebraska, a lot of unexpected things were said and done, and I found out something right before boarding my first plane that made my heart ache more than it ever had before. The details are too personal for such a general blog, but by the time I got to Spain after 36 hours of not really sleeping at all and having my heart, mind and soul ache for so many different reasons, when I entered my empty, cold, apartment, I just started bawling. Not because I was sad to be back, but because I was confused and lonely.
Thankfully, my friend Johanne came over my first night in town and took care of me and gave me beautiful Christmas gifts, made me dinner, and listened to me (in English, thank God) talk about my life. It was so nice to see her smiling Frenchy face after a whole month! She is ma petite fleur! :) The first night back in my piso was almost eerie feeling, especially because the heating wasn’t working and my roommate wasn’t back from France yet, but it is rather surprising just how quickly I have fallen back into my routine: wake up, go to class, talk with colleagues, go home, lunch, plan activities, do whatever I want to do, God time, reading time, fun time, walk on the beach time, roommate time, whatever, shopping, make dinner, facebook, sleep. It’s def. the life! I can’t believe that Nebraska stressed me out so much in the short amount of time that I was there, and now that I am back here the stress has been lifted once again. Oh, the sweet freedom of Laredo, how I hope I learn from you and never become that high-strung stressed girl from years past!
The classes are fine. I have been doing a lame activity I prepared on the airplane that I can apply to practically all of my classes…I show them a slideshow of 15 photos I took over Christmas & New Years in Nebraska, they have to ask me questions, then I ask them questions about Christmas, New Years and Kings Day in Spain. Christmas is spent with their families and in the Cantabrian region at least they have lots of little “entremeses” or hors d’oeuvres that usually involve seafood (shrimp, crawfish…), followed by soup and then the main event of lamb or some other meat. New Year’s is also a family-centered holiday with more food, and at each 12 strikes of the clock at midnight they are to eat a grape to promote health for the upcoming year. They do not open their gifts on Christmas; they do this on Kings Day on the 6th of January. Some kids will dress as the kings and go and sing Christmas Carols for money, others participate in the city parade. I do believe it is translated as “Kings Day” in English, but my colleagues are often wrong when they tell me certain things in English, nonetheless, the day is in celebration of the three wise men that visited the little babe in his swaddling cloth! And that’s your kind of boring cultural lesson for the day.
I then made them write their own New Year's resolutions (buenos propósitos de Año Nuevo), here are the ones that made me laugh most:
*I pass the asignatures (Spanish for "all subjects")
*Have money, a lot of money.
*Behave better with Cristina and not act like a silly.
*I want don't speak in class.
*I win a lot of money—6,000 Euros o más.
*I pass the French, OK?
So, I am all readjusted to life here again. I’m sitting on the couch, super tired and jet-lagged, too lazy to do ANYTHING and hating the pouring rain and crazy hurricane wind that has blown down 2 metal mini billboards and some smaller trees today. I already know this next year is going to be full of a lot of really good things, but it is going to take a lot of spiritual warfare on my part, because I am being attacked. I’ve already started losing hope on some things that I know have been promised to me. Hopefully, once the rain lifts, so will this heavy weight on my heart. In fact, I just got a text from my roommate saying he will be back in less than 3 hours, so to buy him some beers so we don't lose our good old customs. Hahaha.
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