Snoopy's last Hoorah

Inspiration is all around me, yet I find it hard to write these generic brag-about-my-life blog posts. The truth is, no matter where you are in the world, no matter how far you run from the reality of your current life, there is no way out of this reality! There may be moments when you feel in sheer ecstasy and as if you have somehow outsmarted a God you don’t believe in, but it doesn’t last forever. No matter where you are, sadness, depression, drama and the typical never-ceasing problems of life will be lurking waiting to make their next cunning move. The only thing is that they come as quite a surprise when you’re current life is one long, mesmerizing lucid dream.

I say all of that to say this year in Spain is proving to be the best year of my life and I find it hard to believe that there could be yearlong spans that surpass this. Yet, amidst all the grandeur and pleasantries that Laredo brings, there have still been some quite surprisingly large problems arise in my life. That is quite all right though, because it is shaping me into the person I would like to be for the rest of my life—the kind of knowledge bestowed upon me is one that one could never gain merely twiddling their thumbs in the back of an Organic Grass Growing Methods as Applied to African Astrophysics class.

The past two months since my last post have each been completely different. January and ½ of February I spent in long hours of contemplation—a top the rocky cliffs of Laredo, among the sandy dunes of la Playa Salvé—reading, writing, inner-discovery, “tiempo con Erika y Dios” (Time with Erika and God as I tell my roommate, David, who does not understand this side of me at all). A lot of things happened after winter break in Nebraska, things I never expected, and it took a lot of time to clarify all of the events in my head and heart and take appropriate action. Now that the big G and I have come to agree on those aspects, I have felt rather free lately. Not as much time in my strange contemplative modes, rather more time in my social butterfly Erika mode. I am completely 100% confident in my Spanish at this point and it gives me no anxiety whatever to make my crazy Erika remarks, be sarcastic or just to be my normal self in this language. That is something that I am extremely proud of and something I never thought could truly happen.

My friends here are absolutely fantastic. I have begun to feel very close to my roommate as of late, and I am really grateful for his friendship—as I am extremely grateful for the friendship of Johanne and Sandrine, the other two girls with whom I am very close. I am realizing that just as I begin to get comfortable with my life here, just as I become confident with this, God is only giving me a few more months to enjoy it and then it will be stripped away from me—from all of us. I fear going back to Nebraska and starting over once again (new car, new place to live, my best friend is going to Scotland next year, everything will be completely different). I have no desire to finish with the accursed university system; I just want to go on with my life. I love the way I learn right now. I feel that just because I am not at a university right now does not mean that I am not gaining an incredible amount of knowledge—and it’s the kind of knowledge that actually interests me.

A typical day for me consists of teaching my students, I have learned how to be a teacher, how to teach my own language in a foreign language nonetheless. I have learned how to gain the respects of students who are almost my own age and be fun while still being an authoritative figure. Every day here is a new adventure where I learn so many things. In the classroom, I teach my students, and whether they know it or not, they are teaching me. Teaching me Spanish, teaching me culture, teaching me to be a teacher, teaching me confidence, teaching me patience, teaching me a never-ending list of admirable qualities that I could not have gained elsewhere. After my classes, I typically have an evening meeting where I spend 2 hours either with a family or another professor at the high schools where I work. We typically spend 1 hour practicing their English and another hour working on either my French or Spanish. These people started out as strange strangers and me the stranger in the strange land, but they have quickly become my friends no matter how much older than me they are. They teach me the culture they teach me things that I could learn from no one else. I am fascinated by their experiences, by the wisdom of these 50-year-old-ish Spaniards/”Frenchies” and sometimes fascinated by the lack of wisdom someone who has lived so long and experienced so much could have.

What’s quite silly to me is that the most important things to me about this time in Spain and experience are not things to be written in a blog. Things that I could never publish right here right now, however, things that I hope someday I will contain secretly in the novel of the eccentric life I have lead without ever meaning to. It seems however hard I try to veer from drama and adventure, passion and hurt, it finds me—just as it finds every one. Without those experiences, we are nothing. I think a lot of hurt can do a lot of good, and in that, and in God, I find hope for every hurtful situation. Without God I have no hope that there will be good that comes from the bad, but even now as I experience many hurtful and confusion situations, there is still so much good around me. I find hope in the fact that God has brought my growth and joy from all pain in my life. I am living a dream right now, and I would not change a thing.

Recently, I have spent a lot of time soaking up the beauty of my friends here because we all realize the year is quickly coming to an end. I've been going out with them on the weekends in Laredo, saving up my money for spring break, and traveling to nearby little fishing villages like San Vicente de la Barquera or Llanes. I spent time in Pamplona with my good Spanish friend, Violeta, as well.

My other best friend, Paul, is coming to visit me in 13 days! I am so excited to show someone who means so much to me my life here and my friends here…and it’s nice that he speaks Spanish certainly better than I do, so he will have no problem really getting to know my friends and colleagues here. We will travel to Bilbao, Santander, San Sebastian, Barcelona, Madrid and Toledo. Then Paul returns to Mexico where he is currently studying and I will head off to Prague to spend some time with my friends there.

So, as I sit here munching on my favorite creamy spinach-filled pastry from the bakery down the street with my feet dangling over my balcony overlooking the ocean and the mountains, I can safely say, life is good here in Spain, and ya’ll missed out on a lot by me not posting more blogs. But, hey, if you’re as close to me as certain people, you could just read my in-depth diary when I am not looking detailing every juicy detail of my heart and soul—perhaps for you. Nothing I love more than a snoopy friend.